Monday, August 31, 2009

Blue

I find it odd that my favorite color, the color that brightens up the sky, the color that compliments so many other colors, is also the color that describes the saddest feeling- Blue.
Today is a blue day. And it's not blue because the sky is a bright sunny blue. It's blue because today's the day I leave the apt. I have shared with the person I thought I would grow old with. Today is an end. It's been 6 weeks so you'd think by now it would already feel like it has ended, but that's not the case. When it all started, my husband, soon-to-be-ex-husband, had left to stay with his brother. It took a few days to adjust to it, to fall asleep alone, to wake up to an empty bed, to get used to the quiet in the house. But a few days in to it, and I got used to it. It was tolerable. And then about a week ago he returned to the pad. The hard part of it all, is that we got along amazingly good, which took me a few steps back in the healing process, in the acceptance process. How can I accept it is over when things are so good...
But today it is really the end. The physical end anyways. There's still the official business of getting the divorce done, but that aside, tonight it ends. Tonight my address changes, the bed I will sleep in is different, and he will not be by my side.
And maybe tomorrow or the next day blue will be the dominant color of my mood, but I know in time the rest of the colors of the rainbow of life will start to take affect, because I know there are happier times ahead!

11 comments:

luthien said...

oh tali... that was truly heartfelt and heart wrenching. there's nothing else that anyone can say to you that has not already been said. but writing about it will definitely liberate you. blue can be seen as a sad color but that definition is man-made... in written word, in songs and so on. blue by nature is the color of expression, color of relaxation and a big part of nature. the sky as you already mentioned ... and the ocean. thus, it is the color of creation ... of genesis and of a new beginning. stay cool my friend :) all will be well.

Cat Ludwig Studio said...

Wish I were there to give you a hug. My thoughts are with you this week as you start a new path in your life. The colors of the rainbow are indeed waiting for you.

Queen B. said...

Blue is my favorite color too.
How ironic, I typed a "BLUE" POST LAST WEEK, and I was saying how 'blue' i was also !!!!!!
i'm sorry you are 'blue'..............
hugs..............

Hey Harriet said...

Thinking of you Tali! Sending lots of positive vibes your way for the big move! You have the right attitude and the blues will slowly become paler and be replaced with all the gorgeous colours you can imagine! Be strong. And crying is totally ok if you need to. I cry all the time. But then I'm a big baby ;D ... Big hugs to you! xo

the Lost Earring said...

Sad for you. Blue is such a wonderful color--my favorite too. Transitions, oh transitions. This is a new path, and I wish you well :)

Stephanie said...

Tali I also feel for you during this time! I went through it and it was hard, but I survived as will you! There will be days when you wish things had never changed and there will be days when you are so grateful that they have changed. You will eventually have more grateful than regretful days and it will get easier! Your wonderful spirit will carry you through this tough time and you can always poor your heart out on here, even if you erase and retype it a million times.

cabin + cub said...

I think blue is a powerful transition colour, not only one of sadness, but one of change. Hugs and best wishes to you!

Vintage Besograim said...

tali, i read every post you write and i feel all your words and your feelings as well. you express yourself in such a way that it's clear to all of us that you have the power, the strength and the sense of humour to go on and continue the journey.

just walk, one day at a time, keep on smiling whenever you can, count your blessing and read all our comments! we are with you all the way.

viviane

KnockKnocking said...

I am so sorry you are going through this right now honey! Lots of hugs coming your way from little old me! xoxo Agnes

Ooty said...

darling you wrote do pure and honest and so exposed, I just felt like getting up and hugging you
i hope you are doing better by now
and these things takes time, and allow yourself to have it
i do wish you all the best, and i am positive that many many colors would fill your life!!
x
Ooty

priti.lisa said...

Tali, life a is rollercoaster, up,up ,up, til you are down...but, then it's up again! You are so young sweetie (insert kiss) and like I just told my kids (15 & 20) I wish I could tell you it gets easier, but actually, if you're a real human, it doesn't. But there is beauty and life in emotion, no? God's gift of a crayon box of feelings. Thank God you FEEL girl, because it seems a lot of people just don't. I will see you on the up-side!
xox, Lisa

PS Thank you so much for the game, what a brilliant idea!

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